Sometimes it’s hard to be the calm in the storm. Instead of being a loving, responsible adult, we feel as if we’re being attacked, and that’s when we react. There’s a reason for this knee-jerk response. We have hidden subconscious charges in the brain that are being triggered.

Our subconscious charges are due to false beliefs that tell us how we “should” behave. These rules leave no room for compassion and acceptance of the self. And if we don’t accept ourself, we won’t accept others, especially when they are lashing out at us.

Difficult situations are opportunities to discover these false beliefs and get out of the chaos of our head and connect to our heart. That’s how God created us. It’s where peace, joy, compassion and calm reside. Here are five simple steps to discover the gift in daily difficult situations—the Retrieving the Gift of Love Process.

Give thanks. This situation is a mirror to something painful in the past.

Let feelings purge. Allow them to be a guide to that original memory.

Imagine the little kid inside of you and ask, “What is the false belief you took on back then?

Imagine sending that belief and all negative feelings into a beautiful white light.

Ask the child, “What is your truth?” See the answer as a light coming down from God, flooding into your body. Feel it, and say, “Yes! I give myself permission to be me!”

By retrieving the gift, we will see the other person as a messenger of God to find our truth. As we connect to our heart, we’ll be the calm in the storm and have acceptance for this person, too.

Terri Amos-Britt is a spiritual coach and the author of The Enlightened Mom. For more information, visit TheEnlightenedMom.com/makeadifference.